the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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