Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
someone owes me an orgasm
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
