; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
