Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
