Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
