the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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