Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
