You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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