You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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