I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
