Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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