your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
