found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When are your genitals available?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
