I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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