i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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