Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
