I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
