he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I didn't notice because vodka
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
