He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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