Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
