I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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