just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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