so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i think im in europe. pls send help
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
