So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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