I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
