we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
