She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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