There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What a dumb baby whore.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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