you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
