when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
