i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
