It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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