He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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