Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
