Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
third nipple confirmed
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
