A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
