yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
