The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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