i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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