I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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