I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
