I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
