I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
