Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
