I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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