You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
