but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
