I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
