he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
