I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
